I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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