I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
