First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
