Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
