I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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