i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
