Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
