I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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