and she was petting her beer can
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You need a sexual gate keeper
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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