the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
