She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You've changed since you got that strap on
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
