Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
