he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
bring money and cleavage
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
