You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
