I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
