Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
