Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
