my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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