I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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