I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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