You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
