She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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