just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
