He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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