I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
