I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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