worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
