i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
