There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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