I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So many bounce houses so little time
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
