sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
