Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
