Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
FUCK WHALES
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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