I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
