I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
then he tried to convert me to islam
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
