So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
