ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
