Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
