idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
