I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I can't turn off my feet"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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