So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
