my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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