worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
