yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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