Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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