I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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