So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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