Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
