At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
