i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
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The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
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Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.