I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down