Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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