You don't have asthma, your pregnant
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe