she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize