based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This is the high leading the old right now
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.