Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
