She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
