My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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