I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
