I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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