Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
