i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
