sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
