bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
