she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
