My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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