her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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