sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
