If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
A+ Viking dick
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
