In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i love accidental penises.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
