you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
