Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
