Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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