You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
