so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
