oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
