I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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