I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
