i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
