i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
