is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
