I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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